Over the past year and a half, God’s hand and revelation to me in my life has been difficult, wrenching and astonishing.

I’ve been broken.

But it’s because of the brokenness that God has been growing me and drawing me closer to him.

I’ve lived in the Psalms for over a year, and it is a beautiful place to rest. I love the Psalms now like I never have before. The words aren’t just words to me– they are real. The words have become alive.

I’ve lived, and am living, in the brokenness and through it, I’ve grown, and God has shown me that growth can’t happen until something is broken. The churnings and plowings that have broken my heart have drawn me to the throne room and to my knees. And while it’s been painful, I sure am thankful.

One of my church pastors on Sunday talked about the miracle of the feeding of the 5,000 with only 5 loaves of bead and 2 fish. His message was not only about the miracle, but about the “broken bread”. You see, Jesus took the bread, blessed it, broke it, distributed it. After all were fed, the disciples gathered 12 baskets of the fragmented leftovers.

“Little becomes much in the Master’s hand,” the pastor said. “And, bread has to be broken; without bread dying (Me), you can’t live.”

So true. I understand the brokenness part of it and how it generates growth. By breaking and dying, more is generated. It doesn’t follow the physical laws we’ve been taught, instead, it is a spiritual principle that Jesus taught and demonstrated.

God is also showing me something else. When bread is broken, it is divided in half. Now, two people can eat. If the two halves are divided in half further, then 4 people can eat. If those 4 halves are divided again, even more people can eat. The principle of division allows more people to partake. Likewise, when Jesus, the “Bread of Life” died, he covered and provided for us all, the breaking of his body was the debt paid, so I didn’t have to die. He took my place.

While I enjoy the benefit of his gift of mercy and love toward me and I don’t have to pay the penalty of my sins by eternal separation from God, I do experience a different kind of breaking in my life, as God is transforming me into his likeness. All that is not pleasing to him, or contrary to his nature, is broken off, so that the new can begin to grow. While the process is often painful, I am in awe that God cares so much for me, to not let me be choked by weeds or branches that do not bear fruit, or do not bear his image.

So, broken I am. But not crushed or destroyed. Simply pruned and broken, so that new life can grow. And I am eternally thankful.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!  1 John 3:1